Thursday, November 21, 2013

Breaking It Down, Confession Time


"I'm So Fat" 
"She's So Ugly"
"I Hate My Hips"
"She's So In To Herself"
"Attention Whore"
"OMG She's SOOO Big"

Do any of those sound familiar?  Anybody.....
Those words or comments are what I read on the daily. The hateful remarks that people spurt about themselves and others. It got me to thinking. Why can't we just build each other up. Why can't we say hey girl you look fabulous, hey girl you really killed it on that run, hey girl I'm so inspired about your accomplishment.
Why can't we believe what we're told!

I'll tell you why......Women tear each other apart. Men tear women down. Media tears women down. We just honestly can't catch a break. We'd rather believe the negative than focus on the positive.
If we have really bad self esteem we'd rather put someone else down than raise them up.

Not to many years ago, although as I type this I realize it was many years ago. 6 years ago, I hung out with some hateful bitches. (sorry for the cussing but it's the truth).  They would rip people down like no bodies business, and I got sucked into it. I was constantly ripping people apart constantly. They would immediately pass judgement on a person when they first saw/met them and I was no different.  I noticed I was becoming more and more negative about life and I didn't like who I was. I was so focused on peoples outer appearance that I didn't even give them a chance.

Now it doesn't help that as women we are constantly told to lose weight and also the airbrushed model of what perfection looks like doesn't help. Thank you Victoria's Secret for showing us how we "should" look in undies.

Thank you dove for using real models.
You know what else doesn't help? Genetics. I'm not talking about genetics of being heavy, fluffy, big girl status. I'm talking about how our mothers, grandmothers, fathers, etc viewed weight.
Truth be told every time I talk to my mother I hear a negative comment about her "big belly", or a negative comment from my grandmother about how "she needs to lose weight". My father even said once "oh you stopped eating the ding dongs and hoho's" when I had lost weight, but all that's for another post. My point is this negative body talk is what we pass on to our children, and the vicious cycle continues.
One day a light bulb went off in my head, I was doing this negative, judgemental behavior because I was unhappy with my appearance. Even when I weighed 135 lbs back in the day, I was unhappy with myself. I always wanted to be skinnier, have perkier boobs, a flatter stomach, the list goes on.
Truth is I would never find that perfect thing I was looking for because I didn't want to work for it and I had such a negative image of what healthy is I wouldn't know it if it slammed me in the face.
I never believed compliments. I think it's the little voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough. Maybe it was the abusive situations I've went through in my life, maybe it was having a mom and sister that were tiny and I was the outcast "fat" girl. Maybe it was being so different from the others I went to school with that constantly made fun of me for being "different". Maybe it was because I was never told I was pretty.
This is something I didn't want to cycle down to my daughter. I want her to know how beautiful she is inside and outside. I want her to have confidence.
First things first....I realized that superficial friendships needed to say "adios"!
I needed to focus more on positive people in my life that gave as much as I'd give.
I needed to practice what I preach.
I needed to realize that while I may not be perfect I really needed to be happy with who I am each and every day.
I needed to start believing those compliments that I received as well.
I needed to be a good role model for my children of what fit and healthy were.

I started running. I made sure to cultivate the positive friendships I had, and to be an advocate for positive living. I read an inspirational quote every day, and I share it with my FB peeps. I've learned to take compliments (this is super hard yet but I'm a work in progress). I don't let the negative committee in my head get "air time". I have learned through this that I need to pay it forward. I try to compliment those that are working on goals. I try to be a ray of light vs a cloud of doom.
I try to raise others up instead of breaking them down. I don't allow the word fat in my house. Mommy has lost weight because she wants to be healthy for her kiddos.

I try to not take myself so seriously. I'm a goofball at heart. I will break out into a dance mid shopping, running, at dinner. It's part of what makes me me! I don't let the focus of my life be the number on the scale. I try to look at how far I've come vs how far I have to go. I try everyday to be a better person than I was. I've broken down the negative and filled my life with more positivity.

You know what I am more happy these days. While I do look forward to the weekends when I can relax a bit, I truly enjoy everyday.

                                               Be done with the rest.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Sickness, Half Marathons


Well, since I'm sick and super busy STILL!!!

I have no time for this sickness crap. I think I can pencil it in when February comes around.
I'm sure my friends are sick of hearing me complain. Truth is I don't "do" sick very well.
When you're sick you're suppose to lay around and rest. Well in my life that isn't an option, unless I'm hospitalized. I stay at home with my kiddos so if I'm sick I'm still at home with my kiddos. I can't sleep and rest when their jumping on me. They just don't get that mommy's tired and sick.
So I've been battling like a champ.
This has been my saving grace!!
I think I should get a medal for my awesomeness. Bad news no running in a week.
In a moment of sickness I registered for my 3rd half marathon.
Ok, so I have a love/hate relationship with this half. It was my first one I've ever done.
It made me give up on running and then I did it again and in epic failure I forgot my inhaler and came back gasping for air. This time I want it to be great and I will remember the damn inhaler and rock the crap out of it. Only 6 mths away!!
So with that I'm braving the cold tonight and kicking this cold's butt! I'm sick of being sick...
I know super exciting stuff on going here (do you hear the sarcasm in my voice).
How are you this week? Any cold? Any fun races?

Friday, November 15, 2013


Linking up never felt so good!!!
Why do I love Fridays maybe because I don't have to think about something to write. I'm taking the easy route and linking up.
{ONE} Another busy weekend and all I want to do is lay around. Getting my run on in the am, then mini's hair-cuts on Saturday, a head shot shoot, and 3 shoots on Sunday.
Lazy - being-lazy Photo
{TWO} So I'm getting yelled at (just kidding Holly) for not updating my blog more. I'm working on it. Momma has just been super busy. Between a full-time job, a part-time job, 3 kids, 1 husband, and running to keep my mileage up. I'll do better.
{THREE} Getting ready for the holidays makes me happy. I love spending time with my family and who doesn't like getting paid for a day off.
Nov 2012
{FOUR} Spending time with friends, even for just a couple hours.
woah...batman pardon the crazy hair.
{FIVE} Monsters University...yes I love kids movies. Thank you for giving me a couple minutes to breathe while the munchkins were enjoying their movie time.
That's a wrap...till next time!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone

So I've been super busy here at casa de Nicki. I've had many photo sessions, and of course still watching the minis, on top of getting an internet upgrade that has taken forever. I took last week off and just wanted to live life in the moment and not be strapped to my computer. So I'm sorry if you missed me but I'm back and my head is a spinning with stuff.

Weekend of Nov 1-3
Way back in July there was a suggested meet up in Chicago, that was scheduled to happen Nov 1-3. There were some of my fav blogger girls going, and my IG goddesses, but I didn't want to go solo. So I asked one of my peeps if they wanted to go. We booked the hotel and the plan was set. Well you know life happens and my peep wasn't able to make it. Boo hooo:(  But being who I am I still went anyways.

Let me give you some back story, had this meet up happened last year I would have canceled too. I am not a person that just goes on a trip by myself. I like to have company while I travel, but I said I was going. I had the hotel and worst case scenario I would just hang out in the room and catch up on some shows.

I had to work Friday so after I was done I headed out to Chicago. I was scheduled to be there approx. 7:40 pm and then would check into the hotel and meet up with the girls for dinner.
All was going according to plan. I was rockn' it to some awesome jams, because the babies weren't along so I could break my ear drums out with the loud music. I was drinking my soda to get some energy. I made it to Racine and then all of sudden stand still.....ughhh. Anyone that knows me personally knows I hate traffic. I hate wasting time. So about 20 mins later....tick tock tick tock...traffic was moving again. Wooohooo. Let's get this party started!!! Finally I pass the border and about and hour away and bam doesn't my GPS take me on the scenic tour. Lord almighty I just wanted to get there. I get a text from Wendy asking where I am....

Yeah. I was lost...I'm not going to lie I was having a slight panic attack. Big city, lost and I think I was in the ghetto...eekkkk. All I know is I was driving and all the signs were not in English anymore.
I told Gertie to "efff off" after she yelled at me for turning the wrong way. Gertie is my GPS. What!?!?you don't have a name for your GPS. I finally arrived only an hour after the fact. I trudged through construction back-ups and getting lost. I checked in and took a deep breath, freshened up because of the cold sweats I was having during my "lost in IL time", and headed to the restaurant. All the girls were just so awesome. It was hard to talk during dinner because of the seating but we made it work. A couple girls went back to the hotel because they were tired and not feeling so hot. Poor girlies. I stayed back with Wendy and Amanda and another girl Gloria met up with us. Well the second wind kicked in...wohooo...and some of this happened...

(WTH is all I can say about this last picture)
After a little more drinking, some dancing, some yummy pizza we called it a night at 4am. Yep, 4am. Can you say party girl.
I was up bright and early Saturday and ready to hang out with the other ladies.  We made our way to the "bean". If you're not familiar with Chi-town than you don't know about this awesome mirrored kidney bean thing. There's a bunch of artsy-fartsy statues and sculptures. It's cool to walk around and check it all out.

After some shopping and eating, we headed to Wendy's to meet up with some other peeps, and have some fun.

                                     The Whole Gang

Why yes I am wearing a scarf on my head. Just one of the many looks I sported that night.

We all had a blast. I was so excited to meet so many wonderful ladies, and build some amazing friendships.

The moral of the story.....don't be afraid to be yourself, let loose, be crazy, wear a pair of mustache glasses, or doodlebops on your head. Have some fun. Life is to short to watch it pass you by.

How have you stepped out of your comfort zone?