"I'm So Fat"
"She's So Ugly"
"I Hate My Hips"
"She's So In To Herself"
"OMG She's SOOO Big"
Do any of those sound familiar? Anybody.....
Those words or comments are what I read on the daily. The hateful remarks that people spurt about themselves and others. It got me to thinking. Why can't we just build each other up. Why can't we say hey girl you look fabulous, hey girl you really killed it on that run, hey girl I'm so inspired about your accomplishment.
Why can't we believe what we're told!
I'll tell you why......Women tear each other apart. Men tear women down. Media tears women down. We just honestly can't catch a break. We'd rather believe the negative than focus on the positive.
If we have really bad self esteem we'd rather put someone else down than raise them up.
Not to many years ago, although as I type this I realize it was many years ago. 6 years ago, I hung out with some hateful bitches. (sorry for the cussing but it's the truth). They would rip people down like no bodies business, and I got sucked into it. I was constantly ripping people apart constantly. They would immediately pass judgement on a person when they first saw/met them and I was no different. I noticed I was becoming more and more negative about life and I didn't like who I was. I was so focused on peoples outer appearance that I didn't even give them a chance.
Now it doesn't help that as women we are constantly told to lose weight and also the airbrushed model of what perfection looks like doesn't help. Thank you Victoria's Secret for showing us how we "should" look in undies.
Thank you dove for using real models.
You know what else doesn't help? Genetics. I'm not talking about genetics of being heavy, fluffy, big girl status. I'm talking about how our mothers, grandmothers, fathers, etc viewed weight.
Truth be told every time I talk to my mother I hear a negative comment about her "big belly", or a negative comment from my grandmother about how "she needs to lose weight". My father even said once "oh you stopped eating the ding dongs and hoho's" when I had lost weight, but all that's for another post. My point is this negative body talk is what we pass on to our children, and the vicious cycle continues.
One day a light bulb went off in my head, I was doing this negative, judgemental behavior because I was unhappy with my appearance. Even when I weighed 135 lbs back in the day, I was unhappy with myself. I always wanted to be skinnier, have perkier boobs, a flatter stomach, the list goes on.
Truth is I would never find that perfect thing I was looking for because I didn't want to work for it and I had such a negative image of what healthy is I wouldn't know it if it slammed me in the face.
I never believed compliments. I think it's the little voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough. Maybe it was the abusive situations I've went through in my life, maybe it was having a mom and sister that were tiny and I was the outcast "fat" girl. Maybe it was being so different from the others I went to school with that constantly made fun of me for being "different". Maybe it was because I was never told I was pretty.
This is something I didn't want to cycle down to my daughter. I want her to know how beautiful she is inside and outside. I want her to have confidence.
First things first....I realized that superficial friendships needed to say "adios"!I needed to focus more on positive people in my life that gave as much as I'd give.
I needed to practice what I preach.
I needed to realize that while I may not be perfect I really needed to be happy with who I am each and every day.
I needed to start believing those compliments that I received as well.
I needed to be a good role model for my children of what fit and healthy were.
I started running. I made sure to cultivate the positive friendships I had, and to be an advocate for positive living. I read an inspirational quote every day, and I share it with my FB peeps. I've learned to take compliments (this is super hard yet but I'm a work in progress). I don't let the negative committee in my head get "air time". I have learned through this that I need to pay it forward. I try to compliment those that are working on goals. I try to be a ray of light vs a cloud of doom.
I try to raise others up instead of breaking them down. I don't allow the word fat in my house. Mommy has lost weight because she wants to be healthy for her kiddos.
I try to not take myself so seriously. I'm a goofball at heart. I will break out into a dance mid shopping, running, at dinner. It's part of what makes me me! I don't let the focus of my life be the number on the scale. I try to look at how far I've come vs how far I have to go. I try everyday to be a better person than I was. I've broken down the negative and filled my life with more positivity.
You know what I am more happy these days. While I do look forward to the weekends when I can relax a bit, I truly enjoy everyday.